Emotional states oscillate like emulsion of oil in water. As if the two naturally coexist, for every droplet of joy, there is equal volume of pain. One second I am floating in complete bliss, the next I drift into a globule of sorrow, not knowing when I will drift out again. The bubbles of happiness, seem so ephemeral and fragile. I wave my hands around but I can never quiet catch them. It really is a jungle out there. I could be having the best day, strutting in paradise where there are endless pleasant exchanges. A smile, a compliment, a pat on the back. The next thing I know something blows up in my face like a landmine. A frown, a complaint, a silent look away. My brain automatically and incessantly seeks out those be
havioral hints, triggering the translation of external factors into stimuli that will dictate my emotions. Am I crazy to be so easily influenced? MY emotions, MY happiness, my very own sanity, is at the mercy of other people’s simple gestures that may or may not mean anything. I am almost ashamed to admit to such instinctive need for confirmation and ingrained eagerness to please. Toiling over the interpretation of these cues, something is lost: a sense of identity and self-worth.
Someone said to me once, “Only you can make yourself happy. A more reliable source of happiness is gotta be somewhere deeper down within yourself. Don’t let anything or anyone ruin it.”
That’s it, my 2008’s resolution.
havioral hints, triggering the translation of external factors into stimuli that will dictate my emotions. Am I crazy to be so easily influenced? MY emotions, MY happiness, my very own sanity, is at the mercy of other people’s simple gestures that may or may not mean anything. I am almost ashamed to admit to such instinctive need for confirmation and ingrained eagerness to please. Toiling over the interpretation of these cues, something is lost: a sense of identity and self-worth.
